I found myself alone in the house tonight, and so, taking advantage of having shed the three male housemates, I indulged in some true girly TV. Hollyoaks, America's Next Top Model and Trinny And Susannah Undress The Nation were on the menu. It was amezin, as Scott Mills would say. Truly Amezin. And I found out something about myself; I'm a Vase.
Trinny and Susannah are re-categorising women's shapes. They have classified women's typical shapes into twelve separate sections - The small-waisted hourglasses, cellos and vases, the waistless bricks, columns and apples, the large thighed bells, pears and skittles, and the big-breasted lollipops, goblets and cornets. Harsh though it may sound, it actually worked and I almost hate to agree with them but it is a much better way of working out what suits you than a size sticker on a rail.
The nation has a love hate relationship with Trinny and Suze, so I was wondering how it would go down when they attempted to undress it. However, women really do go on this show of their own free will, as my prematurely returning housemates couldn't believe. I personally regard them as a bit of a guilty secret - I have not one, not two but three T+S books stacked somewhere at home. They are entertaining, and despite the methods, know what they are talking about when it comes down to it. Posh and brash they may be, but they never criticise a woman's looks, or shape, only her clothes. And lets face it, 9 times out of 10 on makeover shows, thats only a good thing.
The funniest part, though, were the pagans who attempted to stop T, S and their assorted gaggle of household objects from scaling the hill to give the Long Man chalk figure of Wilmington a sex change. Hmm yes. They changed him into a cornet, a pear, and apple and an hourglass successively, despite the humming pagan ring and druidic glares emanating from the bottom of the hill. One of them was especially pissed off when Susannah suggested that he could wear a wider belt. He was pretty much an apple, breasts and all.
Great telly all around.